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Off Topic Tuesday a day late: ugly self doubt

Whoops, it’s Wednesday. I forgot to post Off-Topic Tuesday yesterday and the alliteration has such a nice ring to it! Ah well, I’m here anyway!

Today’s off-topic post is about doubt and about worrying too much about what other people think about what you’re doing. At the weekend, I was asked to speak about blogging at the Kidspot Voices of 2013 masterclass. A real honour. One of the questions to the panel (with the fab Viv from Ish & Chi and Rebecca from Wee Birdy, moderated by the fabulous Pip from Meet Me At Mikes) was do you ever doubt yourself? Now, it may seem from my blog and even from meeting me in real life, that I’m a super confident person who knows their stuff. Let me let you into a little secret: I am as self-doubting as the next person. I worry about what people think about me and might be saying about me behind my back. ALL THE TIME. I live in constant fear of being found out. What for, I’m not sure!

There are a few reasons for this. First and foremost, I blog about interior design, styling, homewares and furniture. I started doing this two years ago because I loved this stuff and having a blog was a way to keep together all the pictures and inspiration I found online and out and about. The intention was never for anyone else to read it. But now I find myself writing about this stuff day in, day out, for my job. How lucky am I?! I love it. However, the fact that I have no design qualifications, even though I never ever claim to, fills me with self doubt and worry that people will think I am trying to pretend I am an expert. For this reason I go out of my way to state that I DO NOT THINK I’M AN EXPERT OR TALENTED IN THIS FIELD. Could I be any clearer? The silly thing is, the vast majority of my readers do not think I do, do not care that I’m not an interior designer, and I am told time and time again that they like and connect with my blog because it’s accessible to everyone and because my enthusiasm (if not skills) for interiors shines through.

So what happens is, when a company wants to interview me, as a blogger and interiors person and produces a lovely article about me, like Retrojan did today (read it here), my first thought isn’t “Oh, what lovely publicity that it is, how nice!” Not at all. It is more like “Oh my God, I am going to be judged by stylists out there thinking I think I can do what they do! OMG freakout, because they’re calling me a style icon in the headline and I am anything but!” At the end of the day though, it’s not like I called myself a style icon, or went and pitched myself to them. They, very kindly, wanted to feature me, and I should  be able to feel proud and happy about that.

I need to get over it, and I’m trying really hard to get over it, but it’s hard. I need a thicker skin. I want people to like me, I don’t want people to get the wrong impression of me and to think I’m a fraud or that I wrongly think I’m some kind of expert. I’m paranoid by nature. If I see a snarky anonymous Facebook status, I’ll always assume it’s directed at me (sad, isn’t it?). Sometimes they are though.

Even when it comes to blogging, and being asked to sit on panels, like the weekend’s, or talk about blogging, I think “what do I know?” I think this comes from having trained as a journalist. I can talk about that quite happily, because I feel qualified, but blogging? Hmm. I kind of fell into that, and although it’s working out really well, I don’t feel like I’ve been in this game long enough to teach anyone else how to do it. What I do know is that I work bloody hard and am proud of my blog, and I should really tell myself that a bit more often.

I’m not sure what the answer is to this self doubt and paranoia, but acknowledging it feels like a good place to start. I guess all I would say is that if you’re genuine, transparent and passionate in what you do, you shouldn’t go far wrong. There will always be a small minority of people who try and knock you down and who misunderstand you, but why should their opinion be counted as so much more important than all the positive and supportive views in your life? Because we’re all human!

Feeling a bit vulnerable to hit publish on this post, but I want anyone else out there feeling any of the same things to know it’s not just you!

By Jen Bishop

Jen Bishop is our owner and publisher and an experienced journalist and editor. Interiors Addict has been her full-time job for more than 10 years. She is mum to two young boys and lives in Sydney.

70 replies on “Off Topic Tuesday a day late: ugly self doubt”

Great – and honest – post Jen! I can totally identify with the doubt. I have it every day. It is a quiet relief to discover I am not alone.

But it’s important to realise that so many people read your blog because of who you are.

Keep on keeping on.

Or Keep on trucking.

Whichever you prefer. x

Jen, thank you for such an honest post. You’ve really put yourself out there with it and I think it actually shows how much confidence you really do have, even if you don’t always feel it. Oh, and BTW, I do think you’re an authority on blogging. Your course proves that!

Thanks Fi! I guess I do believe in myself and what I do, I just get narky when other people don’t understand where I’m coming from then and then annoyed at myself for caring so much!

By Post Author

oh man.

your words ring so true.

I am a trainee psychologist who is not yet ‘qualified’ and every day i feel like a fraud slash fake slash out of my depth. My clients respond well to therapy and i get good feedback but it doesn’t stop that niggle that they will one day find out i’m not an expert!!!

good on you for making yourself vulnerable and owning that even though you may appear to have it all – Let’s face it, self doubt is a lifelong struggle yo!!!

if you haven’t – watch Brene Browns TED clip on ‘The Power of Vulnerability”

good luck!

ps this is the first time i have ever commented on a blog post and i write a blog. that’s how much i enjoyed and respect what you wrote.

Thanks so much Emma! So good to know it’s not just me and I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. I will check out that TED clip later! Jen

By Post Author

Definitely agree, self-doubt keeps you grounded and can be a positive thing. I’ve watched the TED talk many times (and just watched it again, thank you for mentioning it!) and the message I’ve taken away from it is to fully embrace vulnerability. It’s okay to have fear and self-doubt because it makes us real, it makes us work harder and with that comes the confidence to be okay with ourselves and what we do.

Ah Jen, I know how you feel! You just can’t please everyone, and you’re bound to meet people who’ll judge you or your work just because they can.
I believe that self-doubt is a great thing though. With it, you can never take yourself too seriously, or won’t think that you’re better than everyone!
Plus, you can always fake it. As you said, people think you’re incredibly confident (that’s also the impression I get from following you on social media).
Mel

Thanks Mel 🙂 I AM pretty confident most of the time, but I guess we’re all more vulnerable than we usually let on. you’re right too, I think I’d rather be self doubting than arrogant and ignorant!

By Post Author

I feel a similar way a lot of the time – being a SAHM for most of my life and then having the blog I sometimes wonder how I got here …

I was in a position where a journalist asked me about my style recently and tips for re-producing it, I didn’t know what to say because I felt I couldn’t live up to the ‘professionals’…so I know what you feel like.

One of the best pieces of advice I got recently was ‘own it’ – like own your style, own your successes on the blog, own your achievements, own that you have a shed load of blogging advice in your head etc. It’s been great for me to think ‘own it’ instead of ‘I’m not good enough’

I think we need to do coffee 😉
x

That’s REALLY good advice, Sarah. Maybe I should do that rather than trying to apologise for it all the time! Definitely, let’s have coffee and talk blogging, interiors and self doubt 😉

By Post Author

I think its called “Imposter Syndrome”. The fear that all your colleagues know more than you do and that someday you’ll get found out! Apparently it’s very common and I definitely feel it sometimes at work.

Hi Tina. a LOT of my girlfriends have told me they feel the same and always have done. I think some further reading on the topic might help get my head around it and learn how to deal with it better! Thanks for your comment!

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Love this one Jen. I love your Blog, your honesty that is brought through it & it makes us feel a real connection with you. This I feel is very hard to do & you have nailed it. Big Congrats
R x

I am RIDDLED with self doubt….every day. But I fake it until one day I hope to make it. You ARE an authority on what you do, this blog is testament to that. Be confident! Thanks for sharing x

Thanks lovely! Do you think it has something to do with being a blogger too? And it being such a relatively new, and kind of weird, thing to do as a job? I don’t think that helps, but I’ve always felt it other areas of my life anyway! x

By Post Author

I hear you Jen – so many of us fall into these positions because we find something we are passionate about and not because we have official qualifications – seems a shame that people are judged by what they decided to do when they finish school and the course they took – things change, people change and you discover what you love at different times in your life – experience is what gives you credibility and you have it! Keep up the good work! Leanne x

Oh my goodness Jen, this couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I love love love (did I say love?) your blog and it matters to me not one single iota that you aren’t “qualified” as a designer. You speak from the heart about what you love and there is absolutely nothing fraudulent about that. I used to work as a Life Coach and actually stopped because I felt such a fraud that I sank into a depression – the line of constant thought was “How on earth can I help these people when I can’t get my own life together?”. Of course, my sensible head tells me that I could help people BECAUSE of what I’d been through and the award I’d won went to proving that.

I studied interior design nearly twenty years ago and it has always been my passion – books, magazines, TV shows, anything at all to do with home décor and I’m there. I’m only now starting my own business and doubt myself every day, comparing myself to people who appear to be better qualified to do it than I (I’m not sure exactly by what standards I’m so harshly judging myself). I want to post on people’s blogs or Facebook comments and the little voice in my head (who I call Whiplash Annie) says “Who the hell do you think you are to be commenting on THE Interiors Addict’s post? Why on earth would SHE care what you think or who you are”. Luckily I’ve done enough self work over the years to be able to tell her to sod off and that we all have a voice that should be heard. I’m starting to get some clients and I get really positive feedback on what I post on Facebook, but still it’s a battle to not doubt my own ability all the time. Like you, people who meet me say I come across as confident and knowledgeable, but that little voice is still there, nagging away. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable and for writing stuff that I love. You’re an inspiration!!

I think you need to tell Whiplash Annie to DO ONE, Sharon! LOL. thanks for your very honest comment. Please please PLEASE comment on my blog whenever you like. I love comments and I don’t claim to be anymore addicted than the next enthusiast 😉 Have a great day!

By Post Author

Oh and my biggest self doubt at the moment is “I’m not thin enough or fashionable enough to be an Interior Decorator”! I compare myself to all the gorgeous, trendy lovelies that I see all the time…….. you, Kara Rosenlund, Megan Morton, Sarah @ A Beach Cottage, Viv @ Ish & Chi….. the list goes on……. aaaarrrrrgggghhhh..

Thanks for describing me as one of those but I am exactly the same and always feel a little bit fat! Us women are too hard on ourselves! I’m sure you’re gorgeous!

By Post Author

Loved that you posted this Jen! Personally I love your honesty in all your work and to me your appeal is exactly that you AREN’T a qualified designer/stylist and your blog isn’t just a sideline promoting your own interiors business so to speak – it makes it (and you) all the more accessible and down to earth to us readers. As someone just starting out in small business I can totally relate to the “fake it til you make it” self doubt monster… I try to remember everyone else started from something small too, and focus on my positive achievements to bring me out of it. There’s room for all of us and our varied talents in this (social media) world! xxx

I hear you! I closed the store because I was not coping with juggling the business, the family and our never ending renovation. And I was so worried what people would think. I also couldn’t imagine letting the brand go, so have started blogging with the aim of keeping in touch with designers and continuing to share boutique design, giving me flexibility once I do have more time on the family side (when ever that may be…). But I also feel I don’t invest enough time into the blog to make it successful. I keep having to tell myself that I can only do what I can do. And the family has to come first. Some days I don’t have 5 minutes to myself until they are all in bed!

So enough of my rant… basically you are doing an amazing job of continuing to build brand ‘Interiors Addict’. Self doubt is normal, we all keep coming back to read your posts – you must be doing something right 🙂
Annie x

Thank you lovely Annie! You’re so right. you CAN only do your best and family MUST always come first. doesn’t hurt to put it all in perspective sometimes 🙂 x

By Post Author

Hi Jen,
I think everyone suffers from some form of self doubt from time to time…some more than others… you summed it up at the end of your post…. re-read what you wrote and take it on board because you are fantastic at what you do…you love doing it and as a result of all the goodness in what you do has become your livelihood ! I think all of that speaks for itself ! Just because you may not have ‘formal qualifications’ does not mean you can’t be amazing at what your passion is ! You are living proof that it is possible ! Hold your head up high and embrace what you do !
A great Blogger very recently wrote…. “if you’re genuine, transparent and passionate in what you do, you shouldn’t go far wrong. There will always be a small minority of people who try and knock you down and who misunderstand you, but why should their opinion be counted as so much more important than all the positive and supportive views in your life”… 😉
Hx

I think even when you are qualified (as I am), there is always doubt in the back of my mind….’I can’t believe clients are hiring me’ ‘I can’t do it as well as xxxx’, etc etc! Having said that, I do have a pretty thick skin so take negativity with a grain of salt!

Wow, what a wonderful read that was!
I have to say that your honesty is really nothing short of inspiring. When I first saw the 7vignettes challenge back in January, I loved it. But was hesitant to have a go because well let’s just say styling is not my strong point. But then I saw you have a go, and mention that you’re ‘no stylist’ but there was your vignette anyway. That gave me the little confidence to just give it a go for myself, and what fun it has been!
Thank you so much for sharing this, and for having the courage to be an honest and humble person. No wonder so many of us think you’re great!

Hey Jen, I was the bird in the yellow who asked this question of the panel. I really appreciate you answering the question, both at the workshop, and in greater detail here (even though once I asked it, I felt paranoid that no-one else knew where I was coming from!).
It’s something I struggle with (both as a blogger and a professional writer), and it’s always good to hear other people struggling with it too, and getting past it. Viv from Ish and Chi hit the nail on the head when she said it’s part of the creative process and helps her edit her work. I agree it’s part of the creative process, and we just have to trust it and our own guts as to whether something is good or not-so-good.
You were my favourite panelist. Journalist + passion makes the best kind of blogger in my opinion. Cheers.

Oh hi bird in the yellow! Thanks for asking the question. i think it was a good one and I hear it a lot so it’s obviously a big issue. Thanks so much for your kind words!

By Post Author

Jen what you do is inspire!, making people connect with your passion to bring the world of interiors ,styling and finds to us each and every day – what you do is make my heart skip a beat with happiness when I read your posts & find new and interesting things for me to hunt down, read and learn from – you go girl! Lv N ox

Ha! Prior to the class I wrote about my fear of being found out as a fraud – and let me tell you, you seemed so confident and knowledgable on the panel. Even when you raised it on the panel, I found it hard to correlate your words with how you seemed to me. (thought you were all just encouraging those of us starting out).
We’re very odd creatures, we humans!
For the record, I loved your panel so thanks for taking the time.

Hi Jen
I’m a new follower to your blog and just love everything about it and you !
So random you have written this article today about self doubt cause that
exactly what I have. I studied design at uni did ceramics as a major and before having my first child
worked in interiors for some architects as well
as pursuing my ceramic home wares passion. Im still freelancing in interior design when i have the time but this self doubt and worry I have seriously is a killer !!! The churning that goes on inside my guts is outrageous I worry before there is something to worry about …. It’s so exhausting. Also being creative in itself is tiring cause the mind is always striving for perfection .. Well mine is !
Anyway just wanted to say apart from all that dribble your article has made me feel a whole lot better so a big THANK YOU !!!
(Posting comment now before I re read again what I’ve written and worry if I sound totally cra cra!
Xxx

What a lovely comment, thanks for your kind words. It means a lot! Glad to know it is not just me judging by all these comments 😉 We need to lighten up, eh? 😉

By Post Author

” I don’t feel like I’ve been in this game long enough to teach anyone else how to do it.”

We know this just isn’t true, I’ve done your course and you were fab!

Hi Jen,

I have been doing a lot of research lately on this topic. Social media believe it or not plays a massive role in the growing population doubting their skills and talents. We have always had it but it has escalated over the last few years in EPIC proportions. . I had to pull myself off social media over Xmas and have a little detox because I found myself being anxious all the time. I would see friends and peers showing pictures of amazing things they were up to in their private and professional life and I felt like I wasn’t moving fast enough, achieving enough, not talented enough. I became paralysed in what I should do next. I found because I knew what everyone was doing I felt like well I better not do this or that because blah blah is doing this, that. Not knowing is powerful because you go for it and don’t compare – doubt yourself . Having a little break away from this medium of communication helped me take stock in what I have achieved over the last couple of years and it was a lot to be proud of. Talking to people face to face and focusing on the job and the love of what we do is so important. This is what people then see and connect too. Saying all this Im still loving social media and well let’s face it its your job! The TED talk is fantastic and certainly can push us to do better. Just don’t get yourself paralysed by it like how I did at the end of last year. Working in magazines you know people play different roles. I can tell you now some of the most loved interior magazines have editors who don’t have a degree in interiors and they certainly don’t have the passion you have. Many writers and stylists learn their job whilst on an interior magazine. You have the advantage of knowing how to write professionally to get a message across. You go to same press shows meet the same design talents … Something not many people get the chance to do. So in my book you are just as qualified to report on design and interiors. You go girl . Sorry this is way too long and scattered. I probably should have saved this when I saw you. Ax

Axxxx

Thank you…I love all the encouraging comments, Fantastic, Jen that you raised such a topic that has struck a chord with so many who are new to and experienced in their careers. Amanda, I totally agree with you, because I shy away from social media because of those reasons. Not any more, I’m going to go for it (embrace…)…thank you for such an encouraging topic today! BTW Amanda loved your topic earlier in the year at Sydney’s D&D event.

Sarah

Oh Jen! I’ve realised over the years that most people out there are simply playing the ‘fake it till you make it’ game on some level (even the ones with all sorts of qualifications!) but honest passion wins any day, especially when paired with a humble approach. Those of us who lack a big-headed-ego tend to be a bit more prone to that niggling doubt… You are so willing to help with advice and time rather than keeping it all hidden, and it is refreshing. Keep doing what you love and sit back every now and then to take a deep breath and give yourself a bit of a pat on the back! xx

Like others, I am so relieved that I am not alone in the self doubt, which I am riddled with! I love what you said about being genuine, transparent and passionate about what you do. That’s what people respond to, at least the ones you want to relate to! I will say though, one of the advantages of getting older is that you care less about what people think, and have a little more confidence in yourself. At least I am learning that this year… and there is a certain freedom in it. So, there’s one benefit of growing older. (Growing up?!) Take care… and go easy on yourself… you are doing an amazing job!

I think every blogger has something to offer and inspire other bloggers. I love that we are pioneers and that within this pioneering industry there are so many people willing to share their knowledge for the greater good. That wasn’t something I ever saw in my former life … speaking of, I don’t think my “qualifications”, my degree made me a journo. It was on the job training – learning as you go that gave me the skills. So much like we’re all doing now. Only the medium is different and we get to write about what we want to write about!

Oh babe I just want to wrap you up in the biggest squishiest cuddle. You are AMAZING and dont you ever doubt that. You dont have to be formally trained to be qualified – your style, your experience, your knowledge and your passion puts you miles ahead of the pack and THAT is why you are successful. Please dont ever question yourself, you found your calling and you are kicking ass at it – be bloody proud! xxx

Ms Bishop…do I need to slap you to your senses with a wet fish? Did I not just engage your professional writing services to encapsulate in your perfect words what I cannot? Did you not just reach over 10000 Facebook fans? Are you not making a living out of your writing? Did you not just rub shoulders with some fabulous people at the Belle awards? Yep, I thought you’re that person…you’re fabulous, DO NOT DOUBT IT EVER. FULLSTOP. Big hug, Corinna x

Don’t worry Corinna, I’ve had a serious word with myself and pulled myself together! But thank you anyway and your wet fish comment did make me laugh! 😉 x

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Thank you for sharing this – I know exactly how you and so many others who have commented feel. I must say though that you must be doing something very right to have created such an amazing 7 Vignettes community! I didn’t even know what a vignette was until I read it on your blog, I wasn’t even on IG! I’ve done every one of them and I love that I find out more about myself each time. Everyone who joins in seems so lovely, supportive and genuine – and YOU created that! Definitely worthy of a big pat on the back xx

Thanks so much Jen, I am an interior designer and often doubt myself! I started Eco Chic with my partner Paula because I did not have enough work on after the GFC hit. People think we are so much bigger than we are and sometimes i am tempted to keep up the rouse , but thye truth is I’m a single mother raising 2 girls full time and running my business from a home office with a dog curled up at my feet. I would not have it any other way. Rock on girfriend!

I just found your blog thanks to this post and love it! Thank you for sharing. Imposter syndrome is one of my greatest issues. Almost everything I know as an adult is self-taught so to speak and learned through life and the obstacles I have faced. I am haunted by the lack of formal “qualifications” in the areas I am most passionate about. (I have a degree but it is not what I ended up pursuing funny enough so technically irrelevant) xx

Hey Jen
Your post has really hit a nerve with lots of your readers – which is fab, but leaves me with seemingly contradictory responses – one is YAY you for being so vulunerable and sharing an honest struggle, and the other is AAARRGGGH how deeply it shits me that self doubt is such a plague, particuarly for women, and for women trying to express themselves. All this comparison is absolute bollocks – nobody is like you, nobody is like me, nobody else has your, or my, eye for things, no matter how much we all like the same cushion or damn lampshade. WE ARE ALL UNIQUE and the way we seem to fight, fight, fight that makes me craaaazy – can you tell?
I am unemployed at the moment, not a great state of affairs and not by my choosing and even though I KNOW I have great skills and experience, I feel hesitant about starting yet again in a new company, hesitant about what kind of role I should go for (and ‘deserve’) and hesitant about trusting a boss again to do the right thing by me. I have issues! I don’t want to be held back by those things, because some days they are far from my mind and I feel all-conquering…… I love all these blogs about design and style and have stumbled around in bloggy world myself a little, but cannot fathom how it becomes an earner… lack of courage is at the root of that I’m sure.
Anyway, ranting seems to have occurred – sorry – but I just wanted to say to all your readers PLEASE at least catch yourselves in the ‘I’m not good enough/qualified enough/thin enough/whatever enough….’ mode and at least acknowledge that those thoughts may not be correct. Just MAYBE we’re frickin’ awesome, not perfect – how I hate that word – but we are all putting one foot in front of another, putting our positivity and fragility into the world and that’s what we need.
Jen, you’re a great blogger and CLEARLY a woman with real style. BELIEVE1!
(Pot, kettle, yeah, I know….. work in progress!)

Annette
xx

Wow, I really appreciated your raw honesty in this post and it is obvious I wasn’t alone. Self doubt is a hard one and I guess we all have it sometimes! I really enjoy your blog Jen! Keep up the good work…
Jasmine

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