Gifts from the interior realm have long been given on Mother’s Day. I’m sure I’m not the only one who remembers the first (and last!) time a home appliance was given — fancy an iron, anyone? And while no mother wants to be reminded of the tedious side of domestic life, there are plenty of gorgeous, spangly homewares that are sure to brighten mum’s day one month today on Sunday, 14 May.
Citta Rombo printed cushion cover: It’s the seventies-inspired geometric design and colour palette that reeled me in with this one and it’s perfect for an Autumn makeover. $69.90.
Amigos De Hoy Czar Splash Mat: Digitally printed on low pile, soft chenille, these mats are non-slip, washable and an ideal bathroom accessory that’s perfect for a splash of colour. $99.
Rose St Trading Co Initial jewellery box: Combining lacquered wood with a velvet interior and brass initial detailing, this is the sort of luxury item a mum would never buy for herself. $119.95.
Being a working mum is all kinds of things – a privilege, a challenge, a juggle – and with a baby about to turn one, I should know! What it isn’t is easy! In honour of Mother’s Day this weekend, I rounded up seven impressive women from the worlds of interiors, homewares and design to ask them how they manage to have – and do – it all!
From L to R: Chloe Brookman, Kristy Withers, Bel Kurtz, Andrea Rembeck Kate Pascoe Squires, Tina Clark and Alison Wyatt
KATE PASCOE SQUIRES is one half of homewares brand Kate & Kate, known for their beautiful blankets, throws and towels. She is also mum to Harry (6) and Helena (4). She started Kate & Kate with her sister in law Kate Pascoe when Helena was just six months old and Harry was two.
“It was actually the perfect time to start a business,” she says. “Although we both had our hands full, there was also lots of time spent feeding, walking etc – and a desperate need to take some time for ourselves and get out of that ‘baby’ headspace. Our business started organically, so there was no pressure in the early days. We didn’t know what shape Kate & Kate was going to take, and by the time we worked that out, the kids were a little bit older and we could dedicate more time to developing our strategy.”
These days, with Harry at school and Helena in pre-school three days a week, with the help of a nanny two days a week, Kate can get four solid days of work in. “I juggle through the other three days. I like to walk Harry to school in the mornings and spend time with both kids in the afternoons, which means there is a break in my working day – but for that freedom, I am happy to then jump back into it for a few hours at night.
“We don’t have any family in Sydney, so I came to terms pretty early on that paid help is my only option and I’m cool with that. Our nanny has been with us since Helena was born and she’s part of the family. At the minute, the strategy is working!”
While she did have the dreaded mum guilt, being proactive in making changes to allow her to spend more time with the kids has alleviated this. “It makes for very busy days, but I just felt as though I was missing out on too much and we were all suffering. My new mantra is, ‘I can only do what I can do!’ I am a very proud working mum. I want my kids to have privileges, but I need them to see that you have to work for them. There isn’t a money tree out the back of the terrace!
“I also think it’s good for kids to see that the world doesn’t always revolve around them – I can’t be there every minute of every day and you know what? That’s ok. They will be ok. It’s a good life lesson.”
While self-employment brings welcome flexibility, it also brings “giant” responsibility. “The buck stops with you. It can be terrifying and empowering. There are a lot of people to keep happy too – your employees, stockists, manufacturers, media etc. We run our own business, but that doesn’t mean we’re not accountable to a lot of other people. Running your own show isn’t all love hearts and sunshine (as it may seem on Instagram) — there are amazing benefits, but get ready for a huge slog, lots of spreadsheets and time away from your family.”
Kate’s top tips: Get help. Family is always best if that’s an option, but if not, get prepared to pay for it: nanny, daycare… don’t think you can do it all by yourself. If you can afford to, outsource the jobs you don’t like or don’t find rewarding. When you are juggling a family and a business, time is precious – don’t waste it!
ANDREA REMBECK runs kids luxury label Tutu du Monde and is mum to Alyna (11). Her daughter was actually the inspiration to start the business! “It has really grown with her, I started very small and nimble so I was able to juggle new motherhood with the challenges of a start-up and as she got older, it got easier for me to extend my work hours,” Andrea says.
Having an older child now, the juggle is a lot easier. Her husband works from home and does most of the school drop-offs and pick-ups which enables Andrea to have ‘proper’ work days. “I don’t have to pick up a lot of ‘undone’ work after-hours and on the weekend. When Alyna was younger, my husband was away overseas a lot on extended work commitments and with no relatives in Australia, I often had to juggle work, daycare, babysitters, etc. I used to work a lot at night. I had to fit it in where I could.”
There’s still the occasional bout of guilt though – mainly when she travels and can’t take Alyna with her. “However, I usually tell myself that a happy (and fulfilled) mother creates a nurturing and happy environment for her kids. I am a believer in old fashioned values and I think working sets a great example for your kids. They know it requires hard work and discipline to be a success and to fulfil one’s dreams. I don’t want my daughter to grow up and aspire to a Kardashian life.”
Andrea says it’s never too late to start your own business. “Maybe when you have young kids, it takes a little longer to get it off the ground and grow it, but with a good support network it’s possible, especially when the kids get a bit older. When Alyna was younger, I was running the business from home which helps, as you can work around nap times and you don’t have to commute. Obviously daycare and relatives can help a lot.”
Andrea’s top tips: Be organised and have a clear strategy. You don’t have endless amounts of time.
KRISTY WITHERS runs iconic kid’s furniture and décor brand, Incy Interiors and is mum to Oscar (7) and Polly (4). It was Oscar turning two and needing a ‘big boy bed’ which sparked the business idea and she found out she was pregnant with Polly about two weeks before launching Incy. It was a very welcome surprise after multiple miscarriages and starting IVF.
With both children now in school, Kristy admits life is much easier and she employs her sister as their nanny! “She picks the kids up from school and will take them home, do homework and have a bath. This is amazing as it means that when we get home we just hang out and have quality time together.”
When the kids were younger and Kristy was working night and day, she had more than her share of mum guilt. “It absolutely broke my heart that I missed Polly’s first day of pre-kinder because I was in the US at a tradeshow. Polly of course didn’t bat an eyelid but I am still not over it!
“I love that when Polly plays ‘pretend’ she is ‘working’. I want her to know that she too can be successful and doesn’t need to rely on anyone else. Both my husband and I have our own businesses and we work long hours. Our children understand that they have things other kids don’t because mum and dad work hard. Self employment is certainly a hard road as you need to be available to both your family and your business 24 hours a day and there is no one else to pick up the slack.” Being a mum should never put you off following your dream though: “Having children will only make you more organised and more ruthless with your time, which is a good thing.”
Kristy’s top tips: Divide your time. Whilst working from home I felt permanently guilty – if I was working I felt like I should be with the kids and if I was with the kids I felt bad for not working. I also just worked around the clock and felt like I didn’t get a break. The day that I got a separate office and started working specific office hours was the day I got my life back. Now I go to work from 9 to 5 and I try to limit any work that I take home so that when I am home I am present. If you are spending quality time with your children, the mum guilt definitely lessens!
ALISON WYATTruns Hepburn Hardware, an online store selling knobs and handles. She’s also mum to Zara (6) and Oliver (4). She started the business when she was on maternity leave with Oliver and Zara was 2. “I could see, in our situation, that working a normal 9 to 5 wasn’t going to work when our kids were at school. Zara was starting school in two years’ time so I had to make it happen within that timeframe. Fortunately it did.”
When the kids were small, Alison used childcare as she was still working her job in the city and running Hepburn Hardware by night. “Once Hepburn had enough traction, I left my city job, cut back their childcare hours and worked when they were asleep. It was busy at the time juggling two jobs and two small children, but it was a small price to pay for the balance we have now. These days I just work when they’re at school or kindy. My husband is also a shift worker and occasionally has days off during the week to do the school run etc. while I work.
“I wasn’t really into my city job and it made me feel guilty being away from my kids for something I wasn’t passionate about. Leaving your child in tears at daycare isn’t a great way for your family to start the day. Now I work when they’re at school/kindy or asleep. Separating work time from family time has been the lynchpin, because if I try to combine them, I end up doing both badly. I tick the business along in the school holidays, so I can spend as much time with them and then ramp it back up during term time. I’m also able to drop them off and pick them up from school every day, which has also been a guilt saver.”
Showing your kids you have drive, determination and commitment is a great lesson, according to Alison, who says her own parents set a really good example for her. “Allowing my kids to see you can have an enjoyable working life, in a less generic way, will hopefully open their minds to the possibilities out there. Your outlook on work can have a big effect on your outlook on life, so I’m keen to show my kids a positive one.”
Wanting more flexibility was a big motivator for her to start the business in the first place. “It’s a lot more work involved when you’re out on your own, but you can do it around whatever your family is up to. I’ve never worked harder in my life but I’m spending the most time I’ve ever had with my kids.”
Alison’s not the first in her circle of friends to have started a business after becoming a mum. “We’re all doing very different things but use each other as sounding boards for ideas and problems. I found working on my own challenging, as I have always preferred to work with a team, so having a good network of women me has given me amazing support. I couldn’t have done it without them.”
Alison’s top tips: Lists are my biggest saviour. I use an app called Evernote on my phone. It’s a great way to get whatever is in my head down onto an easily accessible platform. Then when I get a chance to do some work, I can do it fast and efficiently. At the end of each night, I add what I need to do the next day, so I don’t go to bed thinking about it.
CHLOE BROOKMAN is one half of children’s furniture and homewares business, Olli Ella and mum to Tennyson (6), Arlo (4) and baby Nell (pictured). “When I started Olli Ella I had just had my first child, who was 10 months. Olli Ella was absolutely inspired by motherhood, and to this day it affects the products that we design and produce.”
If you’d asked her how she balances motherhood and business before Nell came along, Chloe would have told you that she works during school hours, and tries to be as effective as she can in that time. “These days, though it’s done mainly through an iPhone, during feeds. “I haven’t quite figured out how to navigate the balance of work and family with three little ones but it’s early days still and I’m sure we will get there!”
She’s managing to put things in perspective when it comes to feeling guilty about being a working mum. “I had a real moment a couple of weeks ago when, after picking the boys up from school, I found myself shut in our room with an unsettled baby girl, I knew that my boys needed me, I had a mountain of emails to troll through (it wasn’t going to happen any time soon) and I hadn’t started on dinner. I felt like I was falling short, that my little boys were suffering because I had spread myself too thin. And then I had this thought; I thought to myself that when I look back on my own childhood it is more of a feeling, than remembering specific days. I thought that with my kids, sure there were going to be days when their mama was far less than perfect, days where I couldn’t play with them as much as I wanted to, or forgot to help with homework, or lost my temper quicker than the situation deserved. But it’s the foundation that counts, that their home is full of love, play and music. And that I am a great mother most of the time, and to forgive myself the moments when I do fall short. Because hey, we are human!”
More than setting the example of being successful, Chloe wants to show her kids that you can love what you do for work. And as for thinking you’ve left it too late to start your own thing after you’ve had kids, Chloe says it’s the best time to do! “Something happens after having a baby, it’s sort of a shift in perspective that makes you re-evaluate everything. Things that were important to you before, might not be so anymore, and things that you never imagined would be of interest or concern to you, suddenly are. There’s a joke in my family that after every baby I have made a major life decision. After my first baby I started Olli Ella, immediately after my second we moved from London to Sydney, and now with Nell we have just opened a third office in Los Angeles. It’s never too late to start a business and sometimes taking time away from your job, like for example, on maternity leave, is the perfect time to incubate and hatch a new venture.”
Chloe’s top tips:Have a sense of humour, wine, and embrace the chaos because it is crazy and awesome. These are undoubtedly the greatest of times.
TINA CLARK started luxury wardrobe storage brand Sagitine and is mum to Sabine (6) and Gisele (3), also known as Gigi. The business name is a combination of hers and her daughters’ names. Wanting to be at home with her girls more spurred former trader Tina on to start her business.
As a single mum, she has a full-time, live-in nanny. “I realised early on that I couldn’t manage on my own. Sabine is at school now and Gigi is at daycare three days a week. Working from home is a bit of a struggle on the two days when Gigi is at home.”
Of all the women we interviewed, she’s the only one who says she doesn’t suffer from mum guilt. “I always think I’m doing the best I can and that will be ok! I sometimes get the dad guilt and worry that my kids will get angry with me when they get older as both their dads are donors. But I think it’s very important for kids to see their mothers work as it creates ambition, drive and independence.”
When Tina worked as a trader she couldn’t even get time off to take Sabine to her first day of daycare. “It was just impossible! This gives me the flexibility to work at my own pace and be actively involved in dropping off and picking up my children when I need to.”
Perhaps feeling the pressure to provide more as a single parent, Tina warns to be careful about the finances and the time it will take to become profitable. “Let’s just say I was a little naive in hindsight about the realities of setting up a manufacturing business.”
Tina’s top tips: Keep smiling and don’t worry too much if the house is a mess! Try not to feel guilty about missing out on events at school as it’s impossible to do everything. Best to commit to a handful of things that you can 100% dedicate yourself to and do them well.
BEL KURTZ runs Petite Vintage Interiors and is mum to Holly (5) and Asher (3). She started the business when her second was just six months old. “After being on maternity leave for over two years, I definitely had a desire to focus my attention on something else in addition to my small people. At the start, I was able to easily fit the work hours required around the girls but as the business grew I went from working in nap times and evenings, which was quite manageable, to working through the day with them at home. This became more challenging as they grew older and gave up their naps! It was really hard to take client calls with two screaming kids in the background but I look back on that time and smile because I was able to indulge my passion for design while staying home with my daughters.”
Now Holly has started school and Asher is at kinder three days a week, she has more child-free hours. “But the time between school drop off and pick up would have to be the shortest hours in the day! My husband pitches in around the house in the afternoons between 4pm and 7pm for dinner and homework and then I’m back in the office most evenings after the girls have gone to bed. I always have my phone on me so if we have after school activities that leave me sitting in the car for extended periods, I can get onto emails.”
Bel accepts the mum guilt as being quite normal, particularly if you feel like your business is pulling you away from your family. “It helps to have a supportive partner with a flexible job who can be there if you can’t, or even grandparents who might be able to attend events that you’re unable to get to due to work commitments. The best thing I can do is admit to myself that I’m doing my best to juggle everything and I just can’t do it all. When things are a little quieter on the work front I try to attend as many events as possible so I don’t feel like we’re missing out so much.”
Bel watched her mum work hard in her own business and says it taught her she could chase any dream she had. “Hard work and determination do pay off and I think that’s a great example for our daughters.” When it comes to starting your own business, she says you just have to start! “Set a small goal and just squeeze in every spare minute that you have to try to reach it. It might be something as small as selling 10 products or getting 500 followers on Instagram! Don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t measure your success on the success of others. Small wins lead to bigger things!”
Bel’s top tips:Prioritise your own health first. Have a family planner that includes your intended work hours for the week with dedicated family time. I always make sure I have 45 minutes with the girls before bed for stories and cuddles. Build a great support network of trusted babysitters, you never know when you might need them. You don’t have to say yes to everything, on the work front and the family front. If you can, outsource.
Seriously, how did this happen?! This blog turned five this Easter. I always like to reflect on where we’ve come from and where we’re going on anniversaries, and while it’s easy to let it pass while enjoying a lovely long weekend, this year feels pretty significant. It’s not just that the blog is half a decade old, but this last year has been one of the hardest professionally, and personally, because the last year started when I was eight months pregnant and now here I am with an almost 11-month-old baby. Sebastian’s even walking! I know, what a show-off. What’s the rush, little man?! I’m sure all the mums out there can appreciate just how busy it’s been with no childcare (we just had our first date night while a friend babysat this weekend!) and how much my priorities have shifted. We also bought our first home in Sydney this year (obviously we weren’t busy enough already!) so we have some reno fun ahead.
So in some respects, this year feels like one of “only” treading water with one eye on the business (my first baby) and one on my second baby. Recently, I’ve felt like I’m really coming out of the haze of adjusting to motherhood (it’s just life now!) and I’m ready to get back into work full steam and grow Interiors Addict. There’s nothing more motivating than wanting to give your child the best future you can and while happiness is by no means all wrapped up in money, it does make life a lot easier! And I don’t just want to grow my business to make more money (although I’ll never say no), I am really aware that this is a job I love and I have the luxury of working flexibly around motherhood. Keeping hold of that luxury long term is more important than ever. God forbid I ever have to work for someone else again…
Yes, it’s hard juggling a business and a baby but it is worth it. There were times I felt envious of my friends on maternity leave for a year and a little bitter I couldn’t make it to mother’s group outings because I had an overflowing inbox to attend to, but I always remind myself to get some perspective because I’m fortunate I have been able to be the primary carer of my baby for his first year while still making money and doing work I really enjoy. Sometimes I may feel like I’m losing the plot, but so does everyone! Somehow, despite everything going on, Interiors Addict has more readers and is making more money than ever, and I’m really proud of that.
There were many changes and challenges this year. My amazing righthand woman Olivia Shead left after two years for a new role at Sky News having always wanted to work in TV (I’m so proud!). The agency who handled all my advertising sales closed their doors, and rather than replace them I decided the best person to sell my brand was me! Luckily I have taken on two new excellent part-time team members in Emma (advertising) and Amy (editorial), who are both young, part-time working mums too.
The original Interiors Addict on Tumblr!
There have been some constants throughout the five years and the most significant is my “tech guy” and all round WordPress wizard David at ClickWP. Since moving my blog from its humble beginnings on Tumblr over to WordPress when people started asking to advertise in 2012, to supporting me month in, month out, making sure everything is running smoothly, building sister site Reno Addict and so much more, I wouldn’t be here without him. Thank you, David! Also thanks to Chantelle who looks after my graphic design. And a huge thank you to my husband Damian, who has always respected and encouraged my work and is a very hands-on dad when I need child-free work time.
I’m aware more than ever that outsourcing and having the right experts around you is so important and I’ve recently taken on book keepers and a virtual assistant. I’m trying to get on top of the money side (I’m pretty good at making it but not so good at knowing what do with it) and I’ve just registered as a company having been a sole trader until this point. It really feels like the business is growing up; it’s established and it’s a great time to get more organised and get systems and processes (my least favourite things) in place to keep that momentum going! There’ll be some stepping outside of my comfort zone this year but I’m ready for it!
My working weeks are a lot different lately. I spend a lot more time negotiating the commercial side of the blog and less on the content, and while other people are doing more of the writing, I’m still directing what they’re writing about and making sure it’s high quality, regular and relevant. I don’t attend all the fun events I used to because I’m a mum and while I miss it sometimes, giving readers and advertisers the best quality site has to be paramount and attending events, however fun, isn’t a priority and with a baby at home is often downright impossible anyway! But once we have childcare I will try and get out a bit more because relationships are important too and there’s nothing like face-to-face contact.
In the next few months we’ll be biting the bullet and getting a part-time nanny because wonderful as this juggling act can be, ultimately you cannot work and parent as well as you could when you’re trying to do both at the same time. I’m really looking forward to having a few hours a day of focussed work time to smash through my to-do list once we find the right person to entertain our little fella! Any tips for learning how to let go and let someone else care for your precious little person gratefully accepted!
Photo: A Pop of Love Photo (click for details)
Motherhood really is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Every single day I am grateful for and amazed by Seb and how he has changed our lives and our perspective on pretty much everything. I will never apologise for being a working mum and I hope to be a strong female role model for my son.
I can’t end this post without thanking you all, readers and advertisers, for supporting my business by reading, sponsoring, advertising and sharing and hope you’ll come along on the ride for the next five years and beyond!
I’m not normally one for begging people to vote for me in some kind of popularity contest. It makes me feel a bit embarrassed. However, Kidspot are offering $2500 to the charity of the winner’s choice in their Voices of 2015 Most Popular Alumni Award and I couldn’t say no to the chance to raise money for The Cancer Council. What’s more, if I win, I pledge to donate a further $2500 to the cause, making a big fat $5000 for charity! I’d have to get an awful lot of people to sponsor me to do something to raise that kind of money!
The winning blogger gets not just $2500 for their charity but a cash prize or business grant of $7500 for themselves. I’m promising (and I’ll of course provide evidence) to give $2500 of that to The Cancer Council if I win.
I don’t need to tell you why The Cancer Council is a brilliant cause and I’d be surprised if any of you have not been touched by losing a loved one to this disease. But I can tell you why cancer is personal for me.
This cause is particularly close to my heart because I lost my mum, Patricia Bishop, to skin cancer (malignant melanoma) when I was three (and my little sister was even younger). Becoming a mum has brought the harsh reality of what happened into focus for me. I remember just a few days after Sebastian was born in May, having lost my mum hit me like a tonne of bricks and not how I’d expected it to at all.
I knew I might feel the lack of having a mother when I became a mother myself and of course the thought that Sebastian would never get to meet his maternal grandmother saddened me and still does. But what I didn’t see coming was the sudden empathy for my mum, knowing she was going to die and leave her two young daughters to grow up without her. I had never ever thought about her dying from her perspective before. I’d thought about how sad it was for my dad being left a single parent and for us little girls being left without a mum but I’d never (and how I feel rather selfish and ignorant about this) thought about how it would feel to be a mother knowing she was leaving her children.
I think only becoming a mother myself made me realise just how awful that must have been. I just can’t imagine it and if I try to put myself in her shoes it really is too painful to think about.
Of course, sadly, children will continue to lose their parents and parents will continue to lose their children, but I don’t want people to lose relatives because of a lack of research into the many different cancers which are killing people. Research saves lives, there is no doubt about it. I’ve recently become an ambassador for The Cancer Council’s Girls’ Night In (please consider holding your own event this month!).
So an unashamed PLEASE VOTE FOR ME! Not out of sympathy or to make me feel popular, but because The Cancer Council will get FIVE GRAND if I win! I won’t deny that if I manage to pull this off, it will make me feel amazing! Thank you SO much, lovely readers, for your help and for reading my personal story.
(And while I’m here I can’t resist a reminder to please wear your sunscreen and get your moles checked! I didn’t get this pale and interesting English rose look by sun baking, you know…).
Voting closes on 6 November 2015 at 6pm. You can vote as many times as you like.
When I first started penning this post, it was called something like the reality of motherhood, one month on. That says it all really, as Sebastian is now nine weeks old and I just realised it still wasn’t finished! What I really wanted to share here were some warts and all thoughts on motherhood as a first time mum. Because it really isn’t all about cute baby pictures on Instagram. While having a baby is without doubt the most amazing thing my husband and I have ever done, we’ve never loved anyone more or felt more blessed (and that’s an overused word these days), having a baby is no bed of roses and the more people share honestly about it the better for all new and existing mums, I say!
Our Sebastian
If I’ve learnt one thing above all others it’s if you have a plan, bin it! Or at least make peace with the fact you will not have as much control over things as you’d like and you’d better learn to roll with it if you want to stay sane and not fall victim to feeling like you’re failing.
Let’s start with the birth. Damian and I attended Calmbirth classes because my OB suggested this was the best option if I was hoping for a drug free delivery. I wanted a drug free birth but was also open to the fact it might not go that way and I really had no idea what I was in for. That was my preference, not because I think drug-free is best or I’m a martyr; at its simplest I thought women have been doing this for a very long time, our bodies are designed for this and I’d prefer it to be as close to how nature intended as possible (while taking advantage of top 21st century medical care!).
I found Calmbirth useful, especially the science side of things, but being someone who struggles to sit still or switch off (meditation is my idea of hell and I sometimes find a one-hour massage too long), I did find it challenging! My friends call me the eye roller because I can be a bit of a cynic so it took all my self control to focus on the Calmbirth experience and to get the most I could from it, and it was useful. That said, when it came to the reality of having my baby, he decided he was quite comfortable and going to be fashionably late. I was booked in for an induction (the one thing I wanted to avoid and had been told to try and avoid) for the Monday when I would be 10 days overdue. But my OB was 90% sure I’d have him before then.
To cut a long story short, Monday came around and despite my best efforts to persuade him otherwise, Sebastian didn’t start labour (did you know it is the baby that actually starts labour? I know!). So off we went to the hospital at around 9pm. I was disappointed my labour was now going to be 100% in hospital as I’d really hoped to stay at home as long as possible, and I really didn’t want an intense, sped up process, but that’s what I got. To cut a long story (well actually, not long at all!) short, things happened very quickly and I had an intense three-hour labour. While I still tried to hang on to my ideas about no drugs, after almost drowning in the bath due to trying to inhale all of the gas and air, I opted for an epidural.
Even in intense pain the little voice at the back of my head was going “wow, that Calmbirth stuff went out the window fast!” The next hour or two is a bit of a blur but I was well aware of how loud I was and how embarrassed I was about that! But you really have no option but to give in to what is happening. The term wild animal does spring to mind!
Anyway, the epidural didn’t work properly because things were so far along but it did take the edge off, and on the plus side, it meant I was very aware of what was going on when the finish line came around. Yes, it hurt (I mean, how can it not, frankly?!) but I felt in control for the first time during all of it and was able to push at the right times and be very much in the moment. My OB arrived at the last minute and when he handed me Sebastian it was surreal and amazing but I didn’t bawl my eyes out as I’d imagined. I was too shocked and tired I think. I had skin to skin with him on my chest for an hour before he went anywhere and just lay there gazing at him, marvelling at how different he looked to what I’d expected. Damian and I watched the sunrise over Sydney from the birthing suite window and tried to catch our breath. After planning to “stay north,” my amazing husband had ended up being very involved in the labour, even holding one leg back while the midwife held the other when it came time to push. Full on! He found watching his son come into the world amazing and not at all gross or scary. So, it just goes to show, you can plan and plan, but when it comes to birth, you don’t have all that much say in what happens. And as my OB says, whoever invented the concept of a birth plan should be shot…
Did I forget all about the pain as soon as he was born? Not at all! Would I do it all again for the end result? Of course! Am I beating myself up about taking pain relief? No way!
There is a lot of information out there about breastfeeding and even more opinions. Like the drug-free birth thing, it was my preference to breastfeed and I really hoped I’d be able to. I have no issue with people bottle feeding and I personally think mums are put under far too much pressure with the feeding thing. The midwives in hospital were just incredible when it came to trying to get us off on the best foot and Seb did seem to struggle a bit. I’ve never had my boobs held by so many people but you just go with it. Like everyone says, once you’ve had a baby there is no more dignity! Colostrum was collected in a syringe, he was given formula top ups (the horror!) for the first 48 hours because he couldn’t hold his blood sugar, and we persevered.
It got better, he was feeding, and by the time we left the hospital he was back to birth weight (high fives!) and we’d dropped the formula. When we got home, things seemed to be going pretty well and at his first nurse checkup at home he had continued to gain weight. But breastfeeding was never particularly easy, smooth or enjoyable. While it wasn’t painful, neither was it this blissful and peaceful bonding experience you’re led to imagine. Sebastian fussed on and off the breast crying and sometimes screaming. I called the Australian Breastfeeding Association hotline for advice and we talked about fast letdown and block feeding, tried Infacol for suspected wind and so on and so forth.
There was so much crying, not just while he was feeding but in general. But part of me thought he is just being a baby and babies cry, especially brand new ones. Suck it up because everyone tells you being a new mum is hard. But I kept remembering the offer to go back to our hospital and see the lactation consultants until he was six weeks old and I rang and made an appointment.
The midwife who helped us was amazing (someone else wants me to get my boobs out? Sure!). How great are midwives? I’ve never met one I didn’t love and most of them I’d like to adopt as my mum. His weigh in proved the last thing we had suspected: that he hadn’t been getting much milk in. He had gained only a small amount of weight over the previous two weeks. All that crying? Hunger, pure and simple. My heart sank but I was so glad I had asked for help when I did. To cut a long story short, after trying a few things, it turns out my darling little son just isn’t very good at latching. He just doesn’t get it! Faced with two options: giving up or expressing my breast milk (of which there’s no shortage) and bottle feeding it to him, I went with the latter.
While there are definite advantages to this (his dad being able to feed him for one), it is sooooo time consuming! When I’m not hooked up to my “milking machine” (I’ve already upgraded to a double pump because time is precious), I’m washing and sterilising bottles or feeding him from them. But again, I’m not beating myself up about it and I’m just getting on with it and trying to make the best of it. Because that’s all you can do as a mum: your best. I’m grateful I’m able to breastfeed my son, if indirectly!
There is milk bloody everywhere. I swear I need more changes of clothes than Seb due to milk splashes. Oh, the glamour! As one of my followers rightly pointed out recently, whoever said don’t cry over spilt milk was clearly not talking about breast milk! There have almost been tears but mainly just swear words.
I’m happy to report that Sebastian is fattening up like a good’un and got top marks at his recent paediatrician visit! And what else matters really?
Perhaps the biggest lesson from this tale is to not be ashamed to ask for help.
Well, I think that’s enough TMI (too much information) warts and all for now. I have so much more to share with you on babies, great products I’ve discovered, cool presents he’s been sent etc, etc, but I’ll save it for another day as I have a baby to feed!
Skin cancer is a disease close to my heart as my mum, Patricia Bishop, sadly died from the disease when I was 3 years old. That’s why I wanted to give publicity to Spot Check Month and encourage you to get a free skin check. This is also why, 6 years after moving here from England, my skin is still as Pommy white as it ever was!
Aussie media personalities Fifi Box, Emma Freedman, Hayden Quinn and Bondi Rescue lifeguards Greg Bishop, Tom Bunting and Brad Malyon, have teamed up for Invisible Zinc Spot Check Month – encouraging Australians to check their skin for bad spots this January. Launching with a nationwide competition, the month sees $150,000 worth of free skin cancer checks being offered at clinics around the country.
This post isn’t about sympathy. I don’t want any of that thanks, or pity. I just want to give a special shout out to all the other people out there without their mums today and say I know how you feel. The month leading up to Mother’s Day is just reminder after reminder of how you haven’t got anyone to buy a gift for (hey, I’ve even done my own gift guide on here!) and how you won’t be doing anything special with your mum on Mother’s Day. And now it’s here, phew! It’ll all stop tomorrow!
Isn’t this just the cutest photo you’ve ever seen? It’s stylist Megan Morton and her beautiful daughters Millie and Bea. Just look at baby Bea!
Those looking for some Mother’s Day goodness or a gift to rival a box of chocolates should head to Megan Morton’s pop-up store at Sydney’s MLC Centre from Thursday. It’s based on Things I Love, the title of her latest book, and will include beautifully selected gift options for mum, as well as plenty of cute knick-knacks for shoppers to treat themselves to.
